Part 2 – Not wet enough? Do these things now…

Video Transcript

Okay, everybody, so this is the second part of the video on why am I not wet enough?

So this is answering a question that many people have asked me about lubrication. How do you get what... How do you stay what if you're not getting... What's the problem, what's going on?

And so what I did in the first video, which I will link somewhere on this page, so you can watch it if you have it we talked about six categories of things that can get in the way of getting as lubricated as you would like to be, to six categories of things. I will go through again in this video except this time, we'll talk about solutions or strategies for dealing with these issues. Okay, so let's go one by one. So the first contributing factor to not getting what enough is just not having enough water in your body, so if you're dehydrated, the water and your body is potentially going to more essential functions, other than lubrication so you have to be sure that you're to get wet, and date what... So if you don't think you drink enough water. And this is an issue for you, look at whatever the recommended amount of water is for your high and your... And your... Yeah, like your height and your body and try to drink enough water. So that's the first one, kind of simple, but I just better and more to do it.

So the second category of things that can get in the way of getting lubricated enough are hormones. So, when tones are a part of what have to be in balance in your body, in order for your sexual response to be optimal.

Or to be what you want it to be.

So if you've had hormonal changes from a menopause or birth control, pills potentially, or other kinds of hormonal contraception from any kind of surgery, or what else could cause this, or even just aging before menopause, all of these times in a person's life or times that hormones.

Oh, after you've had a... So these are times that hormones could be off of balance from what they usually are.

If this is the case, talk to your OB-GYN, about what you can do if you've just had a baby and your hormones are different they're gonna re-stabilize and probably it's just a matter of time. And patients, if you've gone through menopause, you can talk with your doctor about supplementing hormones either topically so, hormones that you put on your skin or hormones that you take or leave or supplements to help re-balance the hormones, if you don't wanna take hormones themselves, those can go a really long way toward making sex more comfortable and keeping your tissues moisturized and helping with lubrication. So if this is an issue for you after menopause, definitely talk to your OB-GYN because they're the ones who will have strategies for you, if you're a person who's on birth control pills or hormonal contraception and you're having dryness talk again go back to your doctor and tell them about it so that maybe you can try a different birth control or a different dosage or something like that, because there's so many out there and everybody responds to them differently. So if one's not working for you, you can probably find another one that works better, but you have to work with your doctor to do that.

So hormones that's what I would say about that, these are things that generally, unless it's something temporary and transient, having a baby and having your hormones fluctuate and then go back to normal if it's medical or menopausal those are times that you probably need to talk to your doctor in order to get things back in balance or to add hormones, if you need more of them. So that's the second being hormones. Third thing that can effect lubrication is time.

So you remember from the first video I said you need time to get turned on in order to lubricate and if you're having sex for too much time for longer than your body can maintain lubrication those are both things that need to change. So if you think you're not spending enough time getting turned on before starting to have intercourse or starting to do things where you need lubrication, spend more time, you might need to stretch it out a little bit, the time that you're spending, you might need to talk to your partner and say, "Hey let's keep doing this. You might need to ask your partner for something, then you're doing in order to get turned on. And so that's a really important factor because most people, most of us don't get what just instantly maybe under some circumstances but certainly not always. So spending enough time on super important, if you're having sex beyond the time that your body can maintain lubrication you have a few options, you can take a break or pause and give yourself time to get turned on and get liberated again, maybe drinks water. Do some things that you like that really turned you on, and then go back to it in a little bit.

Or you can use loop which I'll talk about a little bit later.

So those are the two strategies for that.

If you're on a medication that you think can be affecting your hydration level or you're arousal. And I gave you all kinds of examples of what those medications are, in the first video.

You think you might be on a medication that's causing that problem? Go talk to your doctor. They're the only ones who can help you get off of one medication and on to a different one.

So, it's entirely possible that there's a different medication.

It does what you needed to do. That won't have the same site of AT so to to that one arousal. So, getting aroused getting turned on mentally is key to getting turned on and lubricated, physically.

So if you feel like you're not getting aroused definitely spend enough time and ask yourself some questions: Is what I'm doing turning me on is my partner is being with this particular partner, allowing me to get turned on in I allowing myself to get turned on or am I distracted or am I uncomfortable with getting turned off?

Ask yourself these questions and try to understand if there could be anything that's getting in the way of arousal, and then once you can identify what's getting in the way you can address it now if you need help with arousal, where can you go for that, let's say you say, "Okay yeah, I'm stressed out, and I'm not around, but what am I gonna do about that?

There's lots of resources out there, there's definitely books and books and stuff.

I have an entire course. So that's about pleasure and arousal and orgasm. But orgasms are the result of pleasure in role. So, I have all course that talks about what to do to help with this, which if you're on my website, you probably already know about the course only get here as well, but if you need help with arousal, there are lots of resources to help you with that. And I put out a lot of content that's about that. So stick around and hopefully you'll get some more insight about arousal getting are staying arouse feeling comfortable with sexual arousal partner stuff is the sixth category of things that can get in the way, can either help or hurt lubrication. So when I say partner stuff, I mean, are you happy with your partner? You upset with your partner as your partners been enough time with you, for you to get turned on or do you feel like they're rushing or being a selfish or irritated with them for other completely different things, like you feel like they're not treating you well, or you feel like they're helping your own helping keep up their end of things, around the house or could be a bunch of things. Do you know how it is that you have a partner, and they can make you happy to... Or very upset.

So, if there's partner stuff going on and you have some difficult feelings towards your partner in that moment, or in the relationship in general, that can be very... That can get in the way, it can be very much at odds with getting aroused with that person for a lot of people.

So, if there's partner stuff going on, then the answer to that is a couple of things, one is to ask yourself, "Could this be the case for me?

Do I have difficult feelings or complicated feelings towards my partner and if so, why, what's going on?

And then the second thing is to try to talk to them about it. So if it's a chronic issue like you don't feel like your partner keeps up their end of doing things to keep the household running, and you're constantly feeling kind of resentful. That's a conversation to have about, How can we rebalance, our work so that we are both feeling supported?

If you feel like your partner isn't taking enough time to allow you to get turned on or you feel like your partners being a bit selfish... In bed, they may or may not mean to do that and so hopefully they're not meaning to do it, either way, if you talk to them about it, that gives you the best chance of fixing it. So I need to spend more time before we start having sex in order to really get warmed up really get in the mood. You can tell your partner things like that.

And here's what, here's what I'd like for you to do, or here's what I need you to do, or here so you can help me with that.

So, talking to your partner is often super, super, super helpful and sometimes essential in fixing this category of problems.

So those are potential solutions for each of the six categories of things that can get in the way of getting wet or staying with.

Now, I told you I would talk about love, and when I say love, I mean lubricant. So synthetic lubricant that you can like by the drug store or at the vibrator store or of the sex store wherever you like to go.

I think lubricant can be a really lovely addition to sex to keep things comfortable to allow you to... Sometimes with condoms, if you use condoms, they get stickier and if you're not using condoms, but obviously condoms are amazing.

So using lubricant with a condom is almost essential, because it's just a little bit stickier or drags more than skin would.

So that's one situation where it's almost always good to use a lubricate.

And then certainly if you're having issues around dryness because of medication or hormones or any other things that we talked about, yes, definitely do. Everything that you can to address, the underlying issues, but if you need some help to make sex comfortable in the meantime, or even in addition to whatever you're doing, please use slope, it will help make sex comfortable it'll keep your skin and your tissues from getting damaged or irritated. It helps so much.

I know that a lot of women can have a sense of stigma around using lubricant because it feels like we're just supposed to be the and... Or, or however long our partners on set however long we wanna have sex. And I know there's that kind of stigma out there about, "Well what if I'm not... What does that mean, "does it mean I'm not sexy, or I don't know, not sexy, old or all the different things that we can tell ourselves, "You know what, it doesn't really mean any of those things. It just means that you're taking good care of your... The IANA and having comfortable sex. And there's... Like I said, like you know now, there's a lot of reasons for not getting what... And there's no reason to put your body through pain or suffering or discomfort just to avoid using this product, that is readily available out there as I will have a list of loops that I recommend that or "vagina-friendly. They have good ingredients, they have a good pH. I'll send that out to you next week, next time in my next email and then I also have a handout on how to choose a lubricant. So let's say you don't want to use the ones that I recommend it or you have some other ones that you're curious about, I'll send you a hand out on what to look for and want to think about when you're choosing a lubricate so that you can choose one that works well for you and is good for your vagina, which is very important.

So that's coming. Check your inbox for those emails and I hope you enjoyed this video if you have any questions, you can always email me and if you think this would be helpful for any of your friends or other women that you know you'll be to share this video with them, and I hope this was helpful and I wish you lots of great comfortable sex. Go drink a glass of water, we all talk to you next time.

Okay, bye.

Take the Orgasm Spectrum™️ Quiz to discover where you fall on the spectrum and then Dr. Erica will show you exactly what to do in order to make orgasms a regular part of your life. 

Take the Orgasm Spectrum™️ Quiz to learn where you fall on the spectrum and what to do in order to make orgasms a regular part of your life.