Part 1 – Why you’re not getting wet

Video Transcript

Hey, I am Dr. Erica Marchand.

I’m a licensed psychologist and sex therapist and I have made it my mission to help understand women's pleasure and orgasms better. 

In our blog video today, I want to answer one of the most common questions that I get that women ask all the time, and that probably most of us never talk about. It's a very intimate topic, and that is:

Why am I not getting wet? Or, why am I not staying wet during sex?

So let's talk about that.

So, why is it important?

Well, sex is a lot more comfortable if you are lubricated generally speaking, and lubrication is there to help. Probably it helps [sex] feel good evolutionarily, but also it helps protect your tissues from damage and.or injury and it protects you from pain during sex. So, lubrication is super important.

So, let's talk about what it is and why it happens and why it doesn't happen.

So, where lubrication comes from is when we get aroused our brains and our bodies do a whole cascade of things that results in water from our blood vessels and some other substances as well seeping through the vaginal walls to create that slippery, wet lubrication that our vaginas make naturally.

So, the basis of it is water from our blood vessels.

So, knowing that we can think about all the reasons that we might have trouble getting lubricated. So, when I say water and other substances seep through the walls, and there's this whole cascade of things that happens in our bodies, one of those things has to be arousal. Arousal, or getting involved in sexual activity, is the thing that prompts our bodies to do that. So, if you're not getting wet or you're not staying wet, here's some questions to ask yourself:

Number one, “am I turned on? Is this experience arousing to me? Do I want to be here and have I had enough time to get turned on?” So, “am I turned on?,” is a big question to ask.

Another question to ask is, "Am I hydrated?” So, knowing that lubrication comes from the water that's in our bodies, it's important to have enough water there to do extra things like lubricate and if we're not drinking enough water, the water that's available goes to other maybe more essential bodily functions. So, be sure you're drinking enough water. So, you have to be turned on and you have to have enough water to be hydrated.

Okay, so those are two very basic things.

Now, what are some other reasons that lubrication, might not happen? There's a few.

Number one, hormones. So. an adequate level of hormones has to be there for lubrication to happen. If you've had changes in hormones from age or menopause or maybe from contraception, birth control pills, maybe from a medication that changes your hormones, those are things that could be contributing to not getting as wet is you want to or as wet as you would expect to.

What are some other factors? Medications are another one. Some medications change your hormones. We talked about that. Other medications are just kind of dehydrating, so anything that's dehydrating will also lead to dehydration THERE.

There are some really common dehydrating medications like antihistamines, or some blood pressure medications, caffeine can be a little bit behind dehydrating. Diuretics are dehydrating. So. if you're on any medication, or you've recently started taking any medication that's dehydrating that could also be a part of the issue. So, medications could be another one.

Time. So time works in two ways here. One way that time works is that we have to allow enough time to really get turned on in order to get lubricated.

If you're starting sex from kind of a neutral place and you're needing to get turned on, it can take a while for lubrication to start. So it's important to give yourself enough time to get turned on and get wet before you start having sex so that sex will feel good and be comfortable. If you start too early before you're lubricated it can feel not great, or painful even, and then it's more difficult to get into the mood and get turned on and have the experience to go forward.

So time is super important and having enough time to get turned on.

Okay, hello again. So, as you can see some things changed. My camera stopped recording in the middle of that video. But we're pressing on different day different clothes. But let's keep talking about how to stay wet.

So what I was saying was that time works in two ways here, so you need enough time to get aroused but then you also, if you're having sex for longer than you are staying aroused or staying wet, that can also be a factor. So, you might wanna be aware of how long your body is responsive to sex. Maybe for you it's 20 minutes, maybe for you it's 45 minutes, maybe for you it's 10 minutes before you start to feel not as wet as you wanna be, or before it starts to feel uncomfortable.

So, everybody has an amount of time and that can vary completely depending on the time of the month and how you're feeling and who your partner is and all that stuff, but time is definitely a factor. So, if you're gonna have sex for longer than your body is naturally producing lubrication, then that's a time for lube. And we'll talk about lube in a little bit…

Okay, so arousal is the next category.

So when I say arousal, I mean getting turned on. So, is what you're doing or who you're doing it with turning you on? If so, then that provides the right conditions for lubrication, and if not, you might not be actually getting lubricated or wet because what you're doing or who you're doing it with isn't actually turning you on.

Some medications can get in the way of arousal. We talked about some medications can be dehydrating; some medications can also get in the way of arousa. A lot of the anti-depressants have this troublesome side effect to where it's harder to get aroused or harder to get turned on.

Lots of other medications can do this. Lots of things can dampen your sex drive. So, that's a potential factor in arousal

The last category I’ll call "partner stuff.”

If you have difficult feelings towards your, you don’t particularly like them right now, or they made you mad, or they don't know how to have sex with you in the way that you like, or they rush and go more quickly than you want to, or you just had a fight could be so many different things...

There's lots of things about your partner or your relationship to your partner in general, or at a specific time that can get in the way of getting aroused because if you're having difficult feelings or you're actively being turned off, then you're probably not gonna get as wet as you want to be.

So, let me just recap: those are one, two, three, four, five, six... six things or six categories of things that can get in the way of you getting as wet as you want to:
Water/staying hydrated
Arousal and things that arouse you
“Partner Stuff”

So, let's talk about what to do about those things in the second part of this video. So, stick around and the next part of this video will come to you via email and you'll be able to hear some strategies for addressing the six categories of things that can keep you from not getting as wet as you want to be!

Take the Orgasm Spectrum™️ Quiz to discover where you fall on the spectrum and then Dr. Erica will show you exactly what to do in order to make orgasms a regular part of your life. 

Take the Orgasm Spectrum™️ Quiz to learn where you fall on the spectrum and what to do in order to make orgasms a regular part of your life.